The $44 Steak Salad, or What Happens When A Man's Stomach and Penis Gang Up on His Brain

On the TV show Northern Exposure, one of the minor characters, Maurice Minnifield, once pronounced that "The man is a simple creature, governed by two things - his stomach, and his penis." (or something like that)

Oh, how that's true.

I've just returned from a vacation in Montreal, one of the great food cities in North America. The most enjoyable of the eateries I sampled was m:brgr, an upscale burger joint owned by the proprietors of the highly-regarded Moishe's steak house. (website here: http://www.mbrgr.com/english.html) It was a short walk from my hotel, and it was a bit expensive, but worth it.

I first sampled m:brgr on a Sunday evening. I got a burger with grilled pineapple, grilled mushrooms, and blue cheese. Since it was the special of the day, the fries were free. I washed it all down with Boreale Blonde beer. Quite tasty.

My last night in Montreal, I decided to patronize m:brgr again. This time, with a simple plan: to try their smoked-meat poutine, a potentially delightful combination of two Montreal delicacies, smoked meat (think corned beef), and poutine (a combo of french fries, cheese curds and a beef(?) gravy).

My theory worked as follows:

Smoked Meat = Good

Poutine = Good, therefore:

Smoked Meat + Poutine = Double Plus Good

It was only potentially delightful, because I never got to try it and find out for sure.

I hadn't counted on Nathanielle, a lovely femme Quebecoise, being my server that evening. After briefly explaining the intricacies of the menu, Nathanielle mentioned that the special that evening was a steak salad (that was not on the menu) with truffles and a fried egg (this is where my stomach comes in). Which actually sounded quite good, considering that I had gorged myself on a smoked meat sandwich earlier in the day. Vegetable intake seemed like a good idea.

I was also overcome by the friendliness and beauty of my server (here's where the penis comes in) and felt an urge to impress by ordering something as decidedly sophisticated as a steak salad with truffles.

So, ignoring my internally-stated mission, I ordered the steak salad.

Cost of the steak salad with a pint of beer: $44, with tip

Cost of the poutine avec viande fumee: $10.

You know what stinks? I didn't even get her phone number.